And Now for Something Completely Different

I have been silent for several months now and there are two reasons for this.
The first is that there is nothing to report on the cancer/health front, which
is to say that there has been no sign of cancer from any of my blood tests and
that my lungs still suck. I know that for many of you who follow this blog,
this update is enough–and I ask you to forgive me for not writing that
everything is ok occasionally. Having said that, I know that we have been
operating under the tacit assumption that “no news is (pretty) good news”–
at least for this blog–that if something major happened, I would have
definitely written about it or told you about it face-to-face.

the second reason for why i have not written an entry in a long time gets
to the heart of the latter part of the last sentence–and that is talking to
people face-to-face. outside of updates about my health, which i recognize is
useful, i would rather talk about “things” to real humans rather than to this
blackbox where i don’t know who or what is on the other end (i’m looking at you
google indexing bot). suffice it to say, there are some who talk about
everything in their life on their blogs–from their cat, to friendships, etc.
equally sufficient is that i am not one of these. this is a blog about cancer
and particularly my cancer [full stop].

one of you, N* has suggested that i also write about cancer and more
(whatever more is–let’s just call it cancer++). because cancer is
not just about the hospital visits or the biopsies and tests–indeed,
these “physical” aspectes of being a cancer patient only capture the
tip: underneath this tip are a range of emotional and spiritual topics
which I have argued are more important than the physical
problems–i.e. cancer++.

and indeed, i have addressed some of those emotional and spiritual
things where i have felt that they were appropriate and perhaps helpful for
other cancer patients. i have written about death, pain, suffering,
sickness on this blog before, but always limited in scope.

but of course my wise friend N* saw that there was more: she and I talk alot
(perhaps not face-to-face, but over the phone–which is *much* preferable to
this by long!), and our exchanges are always enlightening. so why not
cancer++?

well let me explain. if you look at my dashboard, which is something that
allows you to see the *unpublished* blog entries i have written, you’ll see
that in this period of apparent inactivity, i have been quite active. i have
been writing about things, but i haven’t been publishing some entries because
of one reason: you. WHO are you?! no seriously, who are you? i know some
of you. but you can be anybody and anything.

suffice it to say, the blog entries that i didn’t publish assume certain
properties about the noun “you”. and so the world will have to get its
oral-hygiene slam poetry from some other source.

you are the problem. you are the problem. you, len, are the problem.

huh?

do you assume that you can retreat to the “simple” worlds of just the facts
and only facts (please)–of only test results and treatment options and be
forgiven about not talking about the things that matter most: your deepest
feelings and the deepest truths?

“Certainly no one,
not even for a moment,
ever lives without
performing action.”

you have held yourself back because you fear that you are giving too much
and you don’t know who or what is receiving it.

you have held back because you don’t want to offend.

you have held back because you may come off as condescending and arrogant and
supercilious–all which you are.

“[but] Not by avoiding action,
does a person gain
freedom from action”

so act! and trust that your audience, whoever or whatever they are, will
receive you just as you are–flawed but engaged in *this* world (whatever
cancer++ is); trust that they will forgive you–and though they may not
forgive you, know that your heavenly Father already has.

act, for action is better than inaction!

but why not just have another blog?

oh, because that’s dumb.
[end]

List of previously unpublished things:
on Grace
The Absolute Subjective
the high harmony in creation and evolution
smashing words
birthday
an insight from God
some unfinished things
observable universe
across the crevices

hmm…i guess there weren’t *that* many 🙂

~ by lentaing on August 10, 2011.