preparations for Day 0
this day last year was the “prep” day. my doctors were in a rush to start my treatment as soon as possible–in fact, they set Feb. 1st as Day 0. having just arrived in boston the day before, i wasn’t sure if i was ready or not, but i was already “on track” and everything proceeded systematically. first, i had to decide whether i wanted to be in a clinical study or not: “you have 18 hours to decide this potentially life-saving/death-inducing decision…no pressure”. i decided for the standard treatment, aka the “royale w/ cheese please”. why? well i don’t know!–if you had 18 hours to decide whether to experiment with your life or not, which would you choose?
second on the agenda, preserve my sperm b/c history and posterity depended on it! 15 minutes into my first meeting with Dr. S* (boston onc.), he asked me: “you want children right?” how does one explain that my precious swimmers would one day save the universe…so i just said “yes”. he then explained that there’s a 5% chance that the treatment will make me infertile (an argument that i frequently bring up in my appearances on judge judy). so the solution is to “bank” them. which reminds me, that i’ll need to check if i’m infertile or not–i’d just assume that with my fantasies of women rubbing themselves with goat fur intact, that everything is “normal”. ok def. on the todo list.
but if you’re wondering about the mechanics whereof, whereon, and etc, let me assure you that there is NOTHING sexier than to be deathly ill–weak and tired, and asked to “deposit” oneself (plus mutations) into a tiny piss-cup. NOTHING! but IT was done.
after the “banking”, i told the white-haired receptionist that i was “done”. i was immediately shuttled back to my room for a bone marrow biopsy–i guess it was a little of the ol’ “GIVE and TAKE” 
my first bone marrow biopsy didn’t hurt as much as i expected it to. in fact, Dr S* complemented me on my strong bones–so please imagine me with my wide-grin..ass in the air with needles poking out of said ass (well, actually ass-bones).
so last year i was “prepping” for the day ahead. my head was in a whirl–how else would i have agree to such craziness?! the next day–Day 0, was what i was REALLY focused on. it was when the “fucking around was pretty much over” (to borrow a quote).
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