floating to the ninth

at about 9 minutes 15 seconds into the 3rd movement of Beethoven’s 9th, the world starts to float. for the remaining 7 minutes of the movement, we come to understand the profound peace that our favorite icon of frenzied genius knew and had. it is against this backdrop that i start this meditation of sorts–after all, every good wine deserves its bit of cheese.

today, i read a nytimes article by David Brooks titled, “In Defense of Death”. i know that some of you have little regard for David Brooks (ia* thinks he’s a d-bag), but the piece stands on its own: its beautifully written. its beautifully written, of course, because its actually a eulogy for John Neuhaus, a catholic priest who recently died of cancer. as i read the article, i was struck by the resonance that Neuhaus’s life had with mine–and as i imagine, the lives of other cancer patients as well.

toward the end, Brooks describes how, after a near-death experience, Neuhaus gained an “indifferen[ce]” toward death. but indifference is the WRONG word because it evokes a sense of nihilism. if you read neuhaus’s original article, the beautifully written “Born Toward Dying”, you’ll come to understand that “indifference” is not meant in the nihilistic sense at all, but rather as a certain “peace”/”insight” with or toward death (for the lazy):

We are born to die. Not that death is the purpose of our being born, but we are born toward death, and in each of our lives the work of dying is already underway.
…
…maybe I was going to die and maybe I was going to live, and it was all quite out of my control. That was it, I think: I was not in charge, and it was both strange and very good not to be in charge.

facing cancer made me realize that i have no control over some of the most important things to me (e.g. my health, my LIFE). but i gained a tremendous PEACE in realizing how helpless i actually am: i see that God is at the center of all things that are important to me. and i view death with that same indifference that Neuhaus spoke of: the profound peace that makes the world suddenly start to float.

~ by lentaing on January 14, 2009.