Going forward and looking back
Tomorrow marks the beginning of my third round of consolidation chemo. its the third of four rounds, so my spirits are up today because i can see that the end is near. that isn’t, however, to deny how long and arduous this road has been: to fluctuate between the lowest points of health and spirit and to gradually return to a semblance of what i used to be–only to be knocked back down again, has taken a great toll. today i feel perfectly healthy. tomorrow i will feel the poisons leeching into every cell. i will feel the sag of lethargy, the blurriness of fatigue, the disgusting pall of nausea. today my mind is agile and fit. tomorrow it will be slow and heavy. today i beam with hope; i am directed; i am focused. tomorrow and days thereafter, i will start all over again.
and though i will meet a tomorrow that is bleaker than today, my spirit is strengthened by looking back. tonight i choose to reflect on all of the love and support that i have received in these past 5 months from friends, family–and even complete strangers. I hold close to the sublime feeling of human closeness, and am reminded on how blessed I am. and though there are times where i cannot assert for myself that life is worth living, you–individually, and collectively, have reminded me of how beautiful and full life is [most recently at the 5th year college reunion (pic above)].
to the cancer patients that may read this blog, the truth is that we are constantly faced with bleak tomorrows. but if we look back and reflect on how blessed we have been, then we can go forward and meet these dark days with the hope that the suffering is temporary and that the end is near.
good luck len!!
[...] what tomorrow may bring–or how long my health with last. indeed, as i’ve written in the past, i often face certain futures that are bleaker than the [...]
Irrational pessimism « Blood Work said this on July 2, 2008 at 8:05 pm |